Bereavement affects people in different ways. There's no right or wrong way to feel. You might feel a lot of emotions at once; or nothing at all; or one day you’re having a good day then wake up and feel worse again. Powerful feelings can come unexpectedly.  “It’s like waves on a beach. You can be standing in water up to your knees and feel you can cope, then, suddenly a big wave comes and knocks you off your feet.”

It’s generally accepted there are four stages of bereavement:

	Accepting the loss is real
	Experiencing the pain of grief
	Adjusting to life without the person who has died
	Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new

Generally people go through all these stages, but not necessarily in the above order or moving smoothly from one to the next. Grief can feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings eventually become less intense.

Symptoms of Grief

You might feel:

	Shock and numbness or as if in a daze
	Overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
	Tiredness or exhaustion
	Anger, towards the person who died; their illness or God
	Guilt, about feeling angry, about something you said or didn’t say, or about not being able to stop your loved one dying
	Unable to cope
	Unable to get out of bed
	No interest in looking after yourself or your family (eg not eating properly).
	You can’t go on without the person you’ve lost
	Emotion is so intense it’s affecting the rest of your life (eg you can’t face going to work or you’re taking your anger out on someone else)

You may become forgetful and less able to concentrate or lose things (such as the door keys), this is because your mind is distracted by bereavement and grief you are not losing your sanity.

All the above feelings are normal as long as they don’t last for a long time. The time to get help will vary from person to person, if these feelings last for a period that you feel is too long, or your family say they’re worried, that’s the time to seek help.

Help with bereavement: What can I do?

	Don't be afraid to talk about the person who has died. People in your life might not mention their name because they don't want to upset you. Being free to talk can break the silence and isolation.
	Talking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Don’t go through this alone. For some people, relying on family and friends is the best way to cope. But if you feel you can’t talk to them (perhaps you aren't close or they're grieving too), you can contact a counsellor who can give you time and space to talk - even if the person you lost died a long time ago.
	Anniversaries and special occasions can be hard. Do whatever you need to do to get through the day (eg take the day off work, do something that reminds you of that person, such as a favourite walk, or seek the company of a friend or relative).
	Don’t allow the thought ‘I should be over this by now’ stop you from seeking help. You deserve to be happier, to be comfortable and able to cope.  Contact me on 0161 710 2468 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and make an appointment as soon as you feel ready to be free of your grief.